well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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