there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize