Just fell off a train. Bad.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
