I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just gift wrapped bread.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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