I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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