I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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