If that was your dad, he is hot
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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