I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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