I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
