the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
