dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
