i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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