East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
