somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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