im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
