i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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