she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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