fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
