It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
