Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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