:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
