I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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