i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
