Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Hippo gnu deer
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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