Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
