Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
