Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
