weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
