rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
