I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize