So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
