The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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