You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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