Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We had to coat check the pizza.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
