While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize