Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
