I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
