he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
