My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize