if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
