I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
