I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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