she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
