They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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