I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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