had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
