are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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