the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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