U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
