Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
