just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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