She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
