Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
