Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
