My liver just broke up with me...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
