Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
