I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
