Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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