I just pynch a tree in the face
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize