Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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