Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
