I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
