whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
