my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mom said you looked used
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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