Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
