Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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