and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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