it wasn't lemon gatorade
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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